A Top 40 Hit!

E+L’s big day = a h(EL)luva lotta fun for their crew of 40, most of whom traveled over the Cascades to the Yakima Valley to bear witness to their celebration of love. As mother of the groom, I was adamant about not playing celebrant (so I could sit and cry in the front row!). But I did ghostwrite their ceremony script so their bestie aka first-time friend officiant could focus on prepping without all the overwhelm of crafting the ceremony. What ensued was a best of both worlds scenario – a heartfelt and relaxed ceremony that had the guests laughing and crying, (often at the same time) and that was filled with sweet gestures and definitions of love from the likes of Bell Hooks and David from Shitt’s Creek.

They incorporated great touches like champagne service prior to the ceremony, a crossword puzzle program that made guests want to lean in listening for love story answer clues to the puzzle prompts, a ring warming moment, and an anniversary wine box ritual as nod to Walla Walla, where they had met seven years prior.

The evening before, I had gifted each of them Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue symbols and it was meaningful to see my son pocket some of those items, namely the embroidered handkerchief (new) which was well used by both of them as they recited their beautiful vows, the blue heart stones (blue), and his great grandfather’s pocket watch from Switzerland (old). My heart was full.

They made their own handfasting cord, fashioned with dragon, goddess, crow skull, heart, and mushroom charms.

Immediately after the ceremony, they trail-tested those very blessing words by taking their first winding and dangerous steps down the steep and zig-zagged stairs to the scenic beach, so they could dip their toes into the Salish Sea.

Under a Crescent Moon.

Their love story began on a dark and drunken night under the dim lamplight of a waxing crescent moon. It was a story of how ashtrays can disguise themselves as traffic cones, how friends and family love to play matchmaker when they get the chance, and how cider and shots can be a love potion that lends just the right liquid courage to serendipitous moments.

I did a lot of grinning as I told the highlight reel of their story and loved getting to share their smart & lyrical reading choices and see all the things that we had cooked up this past year for their Dark Fairy Tale themed ceremony finally come to fruition at the altar. I began what eventually turned out to be a commitment ceremony (they secretly married a few months ago yet only a handful of their peeps knew this) with a land acknowledgement.

More and more, I’m finding couples are open to the invitation to do so. We lit the candelabras on either side of their wedding arch, cast their altar circle with lavender (it smelled divine!) and their attendants illuminated the black sparkling tealights, set at each of the directions within the circle. I had them bring a vial of Salish Sea waters, a scoop of earth from a locale sacred to them, and other meaningful items to place on their altar.

They lit their black taper candles on the altar (followed by their unity candle after all the vows) and having just tucked their private vows they’d shared with one another during their mid-afternoon First Look inside their tiny Grimm’s Fairy Tale book, they cupped the book in hand as they said their, “We do!” Ever After promise. Their rings were ceremoniously presented atop a mini traffic cone as a throwback-to-dating reminder of their first meeting and subsequent late-night traffic cone theft shenanigans once upon a magical time ago.

Long live witchy, faux weddings and bespoke affairs that are equal parts soulful, lighthearted, and ideally themed such as it was for this pagan couple on the last weekend of October (and a miraculously dry day).

Storybook Love.

This Storybook Love-themed wedding for self-described adorkable couple, A+M, had ALL the things, not the least of which included loads of visual & lyrical references to many of their fandoms from The Princess Bride to Star Trek to Disney.

There were bespoke DIY touches galore by the artsy smartsy bride (such as the 1400 dyed wooden flowers(!), the wedding arch, ofrenda, wedding-themed paintings, clay leaf and acorn ring holder, keepsake gifts) – you name it.

But the techie Trekkie groom more than brought it, too, with the music and prelude slide show of their couple photos & an intro video that masterfully interwove home video footage of their vintage doll and teddy bear with clips from The Princess Bride….yes, even the mawwiage clergy clip found its way into the words of invocation.

We wove in a ton of laughs and poignant moments – everything from impromptu geeky love quote readings from each table to meaningful gestures like their handfasting featuring her family clan tartan, to their unity handprint ritual, as well as a funny speed round of Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock (all hail Sam Kass!) – to see who would share their vows first. And we invited unsolicited marital advice from their people (with a special shout-out for the non-married and divorced folks to weigh in). A+M will have fun opening their Advice box in a year to see which wisdom words aged best.

I almost thought of wearing a top hat and tap shoes and I suspect that feeling was palpable because more than a few guests commented on the delightful “performance” and “production” aspects of the day.

A few people assumed that it had such a personalized feel because I knew the groom and I had to confess that while that made the wedding whispering process with them extra fun and rewarding, it matters little if I know the couple beforehand or not. Every celebrant ceremony has that same intimate feel and it’s actually through months of working together prior to the ceremony that we co-create that vibe. But of course, being friends with the groom helped…and it meant I really had to blink back my tears on Saturday!

What was distinct about their big day though was that these two were 100% all-in on permitting themselves, their journey, and their story to be so fully known and received by their people, such that their friends, Romans, countrymxn could get caught up in love’s enthusiasm + be enchanted by it all, too.

I began the ceremony with a cautionary declaration lest anyone not believe in the magic and mystery of love, and I had a sense that by the time I declared them “magnificently married, joyously joined and awesomely assimilated,” not one person, not even the most jaded, left that space without believing anew in the power and possibility of wuv….twu wuv. Sigh.

Something Just Like This.

It was a lovely September wedding for K+J with all the things. 

Clouds and a grey sky that moved aside so pale blue could show & shine. My (reputedly rare) pink elephant Mighty Bean and ceremonial good luck charm, which I lent to the groom to shake and fidget with in hand during those last few nervous minutes before the processional. I had to low-key pry it out of his hands. The bride’s blue suede heels. The sunlight streaming in through the windows during their first look. The sweet parent honoring & candle lighting. The surprise bouquet gift to the moms. The palpable feeling of excitement amongst the guests who were SO there for the couple. The loads of laughs we shared all through the ceremony.

The sax/piano performance by the groom’s father and uncle of “their” song – “Something Just Like This” by The Chainsmokers. Their vow words complete with their promises & the fine print (he can’t 100% promise he’ll be a ray of sunshine should the Cougs lose the Apple Cup for the umpteenth time). The anniversary wine box ritual with letters to the other tucked within.

And the tears, oh my, the tears. Being friends with the groom’s parents and having watched J come of age fifteen years ago made me feel teary-eyed, too (but I held it together with 3 blinks & a deep breath).

It was an afternoon long on pre-prep and short on loads of extra time, so I didn’t have much of a chance to snap photos except for a few pics facing in the direction of the light and the window. Such a classic non-photog move but that’s why couples hire professionals. And hey…it’s why I’m a celebrant ~ I handle playing with light in more metaphysical ways!

All the True Vows.

It turned out to be Mr. L and Ms. K in the Conservatory with the secret Vow Scrolls, which they held in hand as they said their I Do’s in front of their parents, siblings and her grandma.

Not every couple is comfortable sharing their vow words aloud for all to hear and I applaud when they choose to keep their promises and heartfelt sentiments just for themselves.

I encouraged them to consider having their vows printed, rolled up/tied with a bow, and nested in the palm of their hands so that this silent ritual could further enliven the words they would read to one another later that night. They were not into any of my creative unity ritual ideas – it wasn’t them at all – but this small gesture landed as meaningful and welcome.

His father cried from the moment he and his wife began walking their son up the aisle. And he cried big crocodile tears through the whole ceremony, which made me glad that we’d built in extra sweet family honoring words at the beginning.

It was very touching…and very necessary for me to avoid eye contact with him for fear I would start crying, too!

Equal Partners.

They met in college and bonded over the poetry of Audre Lorde and Langston Hughes. (Yup, these are my kinda wedding peeps, right here!).

They discovered that no matter than one loved animal science and the other paganism, they shared a love for video gaming, their alma mater, the Seahawks, Schitt’s Creek, Toy Story, The Last Airbender, their LGBTQ+ identity & community, and their little white dog. And so, what better way to express all these loves than to show + tell each of them on their bespoke handfasting cord?

One promised to pass the cranberry sauce, etc., by singing “The Thanksgiving Song” from Bob’s Burgers to her sweetie as part of her vows. The other avowed that if they could stare down cancer at the age of 22, there was nothing they couldn’t face together.

And with my final betrothal charge to them (adapted from Langston Hughes’ poem “Youth” such that “broad arch above / the road you came, / You march!”), these two intrepid souls clasped hands and proudly strutted forth into their future to the beat of Bill Withers’ “Lovely Day” as the freshly-blown bubbles from their friends and family floated them out of the room with a touch of magic and all the anticipated joy that was just waiting for this culminating moment to finally arrive.

Destination: Married!

Making sure our couples are delighted and that they “set the bar high” for their friends and family (as they tend to report after the fact) is all part of the job with wedding celebrancy.

But I love when the vendors catch the bug, too. When everyone from the florist to the Day-of Coordinator to the photographer to the DJ confesses to being intrigued and impressed by the celebrant difference, I’m reminded anew of how we (even us industry types) are all starved for custom ceremony. The popular DJ they had booked admitted it was the first cue sheet he’d ever received. The busy florist gushed that she’d never before set branches along the aisleway for the recessional and was curious what other greenery I used for this ritual. And their incredible photographer was so enamored by all the ritual touches ~ from the ring warming to the memorial gesture to their unity ritual to the recessional ~ that she ended up exclaiming to the three of us during the signing that it was the most amazing ceremony she’d ever seen. It bewilders me. What the heck are all the other officiants doing if they aren’t *waves hand everywhere* bringing “it”?

If I was to stand on a busier corner of Engaged + Looking (…for an officiant) than I normally opt for, I would evangelize to couples that they get to opt for something more, something out of the ordinary. They don’t have to choose the been-there, done-that path to the altar.

I lean in listening to the work of my colleagues from Scotland to Saskatchewan to Southern Oregon because there is so much cool ceremony happening all over the place. One of the guests that day remarked that she didn’t even know it was possible to have such a meaning-filled ceremony with no mention of God. I nodded my head and smiled and said, “listen hon…tonight wasn’t even the whole half of it!” The sky is but a cloudy limit on what’s possible & trained/tuned-in celebrants are constantly scheming ways to bring “it,” whatever it is.

On this late spring Saturday, “it” turned out to be an empty chair altar ritual to honor the groom’s dearly departed dad, a marriage passport stamping & secret ink love note ritual to honor their globetrotting ways, and a canopy of love recessional with berry branches.

Tears and laughter abounded throughout the whole ceremony, often at the same moment. And that’s really what lights me up in this work – when I get to hear chuckles intermixed with sniffling.

A Monumental Match.

A+C are going to remember the 21st day of September when love was changing the minds of pretenders for a long ever after. The sun rose early so Mt. Rainier could don her glistening robe and blue sky crown for their big day which was originally booked for summer solstice last year.

Etta James crooned “At Last” to herald their grand entrance, the forest conspired to bless the space between them, and the guests were all good sports, warming their rings and shouting “as you wish” each time I royally beckoned them at key moments throughout the ceremony, in auspicious nod to The Princess Bride.

They DIYed so many elements, from all the florals to the flower girl ribbon wands, to their handfasting cord to their family crest for their family unity ritual. And there could be no more fitting signing locale than the outhouse at Wellspring Spa, considering he proposed to her just as she was doing up her pants after going pee that fateful day. Never let it be said that he didn’t have the element of surprise on his side when he chose to pop the question.

Oh, and George the (former) family pig travelled from Iowa in order to be served up on a platter for the wedding feast tonight…which beats a mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich – yes, they slid that Princess Bride reference in, too.

Annual ALTARations.

I love what one of my couples recently shared on the interwebs about how they “altar” their anniversary each year: “Every November for our anniversary, we decorate our house with our wedding decorations and ceremony materials. My inspirational friend, mentor, and celebrant Danna made having this ritual so easy and meaningful. Every year we spend a couple of weeks surrounded by the love of our friends, family and each other embodied by bits of magic that might mean nothing to someone else.”

They hang up their boho handfasting cord and display the blessing words crafted and shared by each of their 14 attendants. And they set out the floral sprig bits, table décor, their ‘oathing’ stone (embedded with their secret vows), along with other meaningful symbols I gifted them as part of their wedding gift from me. They displayed their keepsake ceremony on the top shelf, as well, which is perfect because I named their ceremony “Top Shelf Twosome” (scroll down a couple of pages for their wedding story). The impetus for this ‘altaring” was a small vial of breadcrumbs and rose gold glitter (as nod to their big fat, glitterful wedding) that I gifted them, to reflect upon and savor the tiny morsels of love each lent the other throughout that year.

I happened to re-read their questionnaires not long ago and you know how you sometimes get that feeling of, “hmmm, this couple just might beat the odds?” Seeing their words anew, I was heartened to see how they managed to capture all the weird, wacky, and wonderful bits about their significant other. I got this sense that no matter what life was going to throw at them, they just might keep going the extra mile to remain each other’s number one fan. May it be so. And shout-out to my husband whose contribution to their altar is the small minibar bottle of tequila you see, together with a tiny bottle of tabasco ~ which is a reminder for them to keep things spicy.

Love is In the Air.

Love was in the air and so were the geese for this sweet elopement on the first day of fall. Even for the shortest and simplest of ceremonies, I work with my couples to ensure we infuse personalized touches such as this turning leaf ritual that honored the changing of the seasons of their love from engagement to marriage.

A Fitting Treebute.

Hat’s off to Nathan and Nicole who didn’t let the pandemic deter their big dreams. They pivoted from Plan A, a destination wedding at Lake Crescent Lodge on the Olympic Peninsula to Plan B, a forest locale at Lynndale Park in Seattle, to Plan C, her brother’s backyard. In the midst of these changes, we settled on me crafting their love story and bespoken ceremony, as well as coaching her brother, who stepped in to officiate. All went swimmingly. In lieu of personalized vows, each recited a poem to the other. They planted a tree and shared beer and pretzels as nod to their Leavenworth engagement.

Wedding celebranting is fun. It’s deep work for me in that hokey pokey sense that I get to put my whole self in and shake it all about, ceremoniously speaking. I get to show up at a “new office” all the time and be the one who sets the tone for the festivities that follow

A Rainbow Connection.

Sam and Anna chose a hip venue to get hitched in the heart of Seattle’s vibrant Capitol Hill neighborhood. And half of the good folks from Iowa showed up to witness this event that was 12 years in the making. Well, maybe not half but Iowa was definitely in the house that afternoon, as was the glorious sun. Their rings were warmed by all present and their hearts were warmed by words of wisdom on love by bell hooks, as shared by their four wedding attendants. And they shared real words of avowal, such as Anna not promising she’d share her hot Cheetos, and Sam agreeing to be cool with Anna collecting rocks from their hike locales.

Bittersweet Symphony.

This Woodinville winery wedding was bittersweet. It was a joy to work with the fabulous couple and get to last-minute craft and tell their love story which I themed in honor of their 7 Wonders bucket list and epic Stonehenge engagement. But it was sad knowing that the person at the altar getting them hitched should have been one of my fellow Seattle wedding officiant colleagues, who died suddenly on July 31st. She was a much beloved, celebrated, and vibrant force in the local wedding community and it was such a shock to everyone. In village fashion, a bunch of us stepped up to cover her August weddings. I honored her spirit and memory with a memorial altar and words of acknowledgment at the rehearsal and tucked a sprig of rosemary and baby’s breath in a hidden nook at the altar.

The Hands of Time.

Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice.
Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet.”
Tom Robbins, from Still Life with Woodpecker

It was Bring Your Hubby & Daughter to Work Day, as I dragged my husband and daughter along to play witness for a short and sweet wedding ceremony. It’s not every day I get to marry a couple of octogenarians (the groom on the cusp of 84 and the blushing bride – 88!) – and so in lieu of exchanging rings, I had them nest a pink quartz heartstone in their hands as I tied a gold ribbon embellished with two rhinestone charms around their hands.

I spoke to them of how they were tying a bow on their uncommon bond these past 40 years, and then as a final gesture, I attached an hourglass pendant filled with a blend of white and silver sand to their ribbon, as symbol of the hands and sands of time that have held their love firm.

I adapted William Blake’s “Auguries of Innocence” to fit the ritual and quoted the Tom Robbins quip above before their vows, and then precisely as I pronounced them married, the clock chimed three…hickory, dickory, hitched!

I was thinking about how pretty dang auspicious and cool that was and said as much, until my daughter later pointed out that their grandfather clock was running four minutes fast. Oh well…it was still a moment in and out of time, which is ceremonious time in a nutshell. And it was still a delight to aid and abet in getting these two lovelies married.

Sealing the Deal.

I love getting to be the chief instigator of setting the fun vibe for the wedding festivities to follow. On this particular day, the guests loved how relaxed and fun it was, and also how perfectly this unique ceremony reflected the couple. Being able to tell the love story I craft for my couples is always a treat because our people really don’t know all the who, what, when, where, why of it all, and it shows in how they lean in listening with expressions of surprise and delight.

Check out the oathing stone this happy couple used as they said their I Do’s. They also sealed the deal at the altar with a linked heart impression upon hot wax in the center of a wood canvas board for all the guests to later sign. The same hot wax seal will be used to seal their first anniversary love notes for one another. And to truly seal the deal, they wet their whistles in prep for their big kiss with a shot of cognac and tequila respectively, as a nod to their early first dates eight years ago. Ain’t love grand?

Sometimes the most superlative weddings are the simplest. Such was the case for an early-spring micro wedding at Volunteer Park Conservatory, which I affectionately dubbed as “Ms. F and Mr. W in the Conservatory with their twins and the rings.” The clues to their day being a stellar wedding edition whodunnit were in the I Do’s, the I Love you’s, that kiss, and the way they meshed fingerprint with fingerprint to ink their Ever After heart upon the Pop-up Conservatory card which doubled as their guest book.

Winter Wonderland.

Casă de piatră to one of my sweet couples who tied the knot in front of 18 of their closest friends, Romanians, and countrymen at Salish Lodge for their winter wedding. The heavens approved because no sooner did I declare them magnificently married than snow began to fall like confetti out the window upon the cedars and Snoqualmie Falls below. (Nature always wants in on the ceremony action.)

Top-Shelf Twosome.

What do you get when you mix whiskey sipping with a boho-style handfasting, an oathing stone vow exchange, a tartan pinning, and 14 wedding attendants? A big fat Celtic-style wedding that was pure enchantment in the heart of a tree farm forest! Central to the ceremony was the room design. Katie and Nick wanted to have their guests pre-sat at the banquet tables and so opted for a ceremony in the round at the barn at Trinity Tree Farms near Issaquah. This helped us create a very intimate and interactive setting, as we pivoted within the space aka “altered the altar.”

Ceremony highlight moments included: an opening whiskey sharing between Nick and Katie’s grandfather before her grandfather read a poem entitled, “A Love Like Whiskey,” regaling guests with their “Top-Shelf Twosome” love story, secret notes hidden within their oathing stone for them to read on their first anniversary, their special handfasting cord  fashioned from 14 strips of fabric which each of the wedding attendants had gifted them as symbol of their relationship story with them, custom blessing words uttered by each of the attendants, having Katie’s maid of honor/cousin and her grandmother be their handfasting assistants, and Nick’s father welcoming Katie to the clan with the pinning of the tartan at the end.

It was a magical day long on connection and short on boring gestures from weddings gone by. Signature touches like an outdoor whiskey and cigar bar, faux-fur blankets by the outdoor fire circle and tricked-out DJ lighting translated to serious fun all night long!

From Handshake to Wedding Cake

It all began for Jay & Alexandra, like some of the best love stories do, with a gesture of nice to meet you in the form of his bold handshake at the local watering hole she managed, and that he would visit after work with his firefighter buddies. His insistence that she scribble her number on the napkin was well-played by Alexandra. She deliberately left off her name as a kind of sobriety test. Suffice to say, he passed because these two were married at Black Rock Resort on Vancouver Island’s west coast this past spring, and what a fabulous destination wedding it was.

With about 75 of their closest family and friends in attendance, these two tied the knot in all the best ways. They began with a ring warming ritual, wrote their own heartfelt vows, included key family members with ceremony readings and blessings, were open to having me share their love story, and they chose to seal their deal in ink with fingerprint unity ritual. 

The most amusing moment of the ceremony came as Jay attempted to light their pillar candle at the altar. It became a challenging moment for him to wrestle with getting it lit, but I assured him there were lots of fellow firefighters in attendance should things go awry.

A truly poignant moment in the afternoon, however, was their family layering ritual. I tasked them with beachcombing nature items with Jay’s children in the days before the wedding and so during the ceremony, they each took turns layering sand, shells, rocks and driftwood. As a final gesture, both kids then placed a special shell and driftwood piece they had each chosen to place atop their many family layers in the glass base. It was a lovely moment in what was truly a beautiful miles from home and worlds away ceremony.

I asked Jay and Alex to share their thoughts about the ceremony and this is what they had to say:

What was your vision and highest hopes for your wedding ceremony?

We wanted a ceremony that was completely unique that encased our values and personalities. We wanted to have our story woven and told throughout the ceremony. It was also important that our family and all guests were made to feel a part of the ceremony directly and indirectly. 

What did you appreciate about the ceremony planning process in the months and weeks prior?

As the date approached, stress levels obviously rose. It was extremely easing to know our ceremony was in amazing hands and that providing Danna the information she requested throughout the process helped us to stay on track.

What aspect(s) of the ceremony were you most apprehensive about?

We weren’t all that nervous about much to do with the ceremony other than ensuring we did and said the right things for each part. All for not, as it went perfectly. 

What were your favorite moments – both during the ceremony and throughout the day? Also, which image stands out as your fave photo capture/moment? Describe some of those details.

We loved watching as our family and friends each spent time with our rings as they traveled the guests during the ring blessing ceremony. The fact that all our guests had a meaningful role in our ceremony meant a lot. Our layering ceremony with our kids was something timeless we’ll all have as a family forever. 

Jay: Being that Alexandra’s handshake intrigued me when we first met, I decided to go for a “first handshake” before the kiss. So glad this was captured.

Alexandra: Hearing Jay’s vows for the first time was incredibly special and seeing his face when I said mine were my favorite moments of the ceremony. The day was just perfect and it was amazing to spend it with so many special people. 

Here’s an excerpt from each of their vows:

Jay’s Vows: 

“As we stand at the edge of the largest power known on Earth: Hear its pulse as you feel its power cycle against us, watch its rhythm as you taste and smell its aura. It contains endless life and sustains the rest of us. It assumes your abdication mercilessly. It is constant for it does not reckon score. Its allure is addicting. It attracts and retracts at a moment’s notice. It begins and ends without permission. It is seen differently by many, but it is to be respected and nourished by all. It is the genesis of many and the demise of even more. I do not speak of the Pacific Ocean before us. I speak of the ocean of love I have for you.”

Alexandra’s Vows: 

“You are my best friend and the person I can’t wait to see at the end of a long day. You’re the first person I want to share great news with and the first person I want to see after receiving bad news. I admire your courage and strength. Your ability to take the high road and put others needs above your own continually amazes me. You have the most incredible sense of humor, and I love that you’re so playful and young at heart. That mischievous grin you have melts my heart. You have a way of bringing out the best in me and being with you has taught me so much about myself.”

What surprised and/or delighted you?

How present we were able to be due to the lack of stress leading up to the ceremony. We are so grateful to be able to remember every moment and focus on our and our guests’ enjoyment of the day. 

What kinds of comments did you receive from your guests about the ceremony?

Everyone was blown away how personalized it was. They were so glad to have been included in our ceremony. They all commented how there was no filler or fluff, each word and moment had great meaning and that it flowed very well. 

Knowing what you know now, what wedding planning wisdom and advice do you have for couples just starting their planning journey?

Weddings are expensive. We spent much on the venue and traveling there, as did our guests, but it is somewhere we will always have; and we wanted our friends and family to enjoy being away and truly relax that weekend. We spent much on a photographer that was a close friend and knew she would do an amazing job. There were plenty of other costs including DJ’s, etc. These somewhat material costs became investments once Danna became involved. Though not a wedding planner, she wove all aspects of our ceremony together in small but vital ways so that it flowed without a hitch. 

What do you think will live on 10, 20 or 30 years from now as a lasting memory from your ceremony?

Our layering and fingerprint ceremonies are obviously something we will have forever. It may sound repetitive, but the amount of effort put forth by Danna to milk as much information from us ahead of time paid off huge. It made for such a meaningful day. We were both completely present the whole day because we were relaxed and each facet had meaning to us, our family and friends. This timelessness burgeoned into the gift of being able to be truly cognizant in each moment, and that’s a memory we will always cherish.(Photo credits: Blake Loates Photography)

A Befitting Day.

To recount the story of Angela and Beau’s fall destination wedding at the Inn at Suncadia in Cle Elum is to speak to some of the other big things going on that day.

Like how the Jolly Mountain wildfire was encroaching and threats of evacuation, and therefore a possible last-minute change in venue, were imminent. Or like how their son was sick and then how Angie herself lost her voice in the hours before the wedding and had to get her sister to speak for her during the ceremony.

Robert Olen Butler defines story as a “yearning meeting an obstacle.” Suffice to say, their wedding story became a more interesting one. But let it be noted that these obstacles did not get in the way of their yearning to be married that day.

Praise be to the nature gods that the nearby forest fires were kept at bay, as was the smoke. It was a hazy, gorgeous autumn day and the vistas over the golf course for this outdoor ceremony were sweeping. And praise be to the wedding gods that Angie reclaimed her voice in the minutes and hours after the ceremony.

Their wedding ceremony was chock-full of poignant touches. My faves include:

• Beau pulling their adorable young son up the aisle in a decked-out wagon, complete with the sign “Don’t Worry Ladies – I’m Still Single.”
• The Family Tribute and honoring piece near the beginning of the ceremony, in which mention was made of their dearly departed loved ones. Angie & Beau opted to feature a wooden family tree on the altar table and to string ornaments etched with each of their names upon them.
• The handfasting ritual, in which they had three of their wedding attendants do the honors of wrapping and knotting their handfasting cord as I teed up the significance and history of the ritual, and invoked a prayer during this moment of hands clasped together.
• Witnessing them piece their ABC family wooden unity puzzle ritual together, a keepsake puzzle which they commissioned wood artist Heather Muse from MuseFire Art to create for them, in honor of their A,B,C initials. And for earworm effect, The Jackson Five’s 70’s throwback song, “ABC,” played in the background as they built their puzzle.
• That final Ever After glimpse as they happily scooped their son Cameron up into their arms and recessed together as a family of 3 to the smiles, tears and cheers of their family and friends.

I shared some of these wedding elements in a story feature about ceremony theming in the Spring/Summer 2018 issue of South Sound Wedding & Event Magazine. The ceremony theme I chose for them ~ “A Befitting Ceremony” ~ was a subtle wordplay nod to their ‘A+B and along comes C’ theme, their ‘better together’ beliefs, and their unity ritual selections of a handfasting and a family puzzle, which were both all about fit.

And so speaking of fit, my greatest takeaway was what a delight it was to help them fit together all their disparate wishes into a cohesive ceremony that was uniquely them.

Angie & Beau not only have an imaginal basket of fond memories, video footage and an album of gorgeous images, they now have symbolic treasures from that their ceremony that will live on many moons after that hazy day late last summer.

Lasting Impressions.

When couples sign on to work with me, they’re promised a couple of surprise pre and post nuptial rituals as a way to keep some of the magic alive a long ever after their big day.

My Mt. Baker wedding couple, Lauren and Spencer, ended up with yet one more lifelong ritual in the deal. Little wonder I named their ceremony Lasting Impressions.

I affectionately referred to them as my high tech, high trek couple, given his work in software, her work as a geohazard engineer, and their many world travels. As we were scheming unity rituals, we spent some time exploring various rock themes and geo-coordinate options. None of my many rock-themed unity rituals appealed to them but they did like my DIY craft idea of etching the longitude and latitude geo-coordinates, date, and visual symbols of their key milestone moments since meeting onto small birch tree ring cuttings. After deciding upon their key moments – meeting, travels to South America, engagement in Nepal, adopting a dog, buying an apartment, etc. – they collected a stick from the woods near Whistler, purchased a small wood-burning kit and set to work crafting their tree ring ritual.

The result was beyond fabulous, moreover because it’s a collection they can continue to ritualize and add to as the years go by. And alas, while they loved the opportunity to do this and feature it visually upon their altar table, it did not make the shortlist of chosen unity ritual.

What they opted for instead was to try their hand at a fingerprint unity ritual. As they took turns impressing their fingers upon their soon-to-be framed and matted art card, I spoke about fingerprints as being unique expressions of our own indelible personalities. I then revealed their true confessions about qualities they each found most endearing about the other.

There were so many endearing moments in their ceremony – from the poignancy of their violin solo processional, to the tandem reading by their best man and maid of honor, to the ring warming, to the laughs shared and tears shed during their vows, to their custom mountain-themed blessing, to that final sigh of relief and kiss they exchanged upon realizing they were really and truly hitched.

It proved to be a stellar weekend in the great outdoors for this adventurous couple, who managed to gather friends and family from near and far to celebrate their day at Wandering Waters Farm in alpine meadow style.

Rare Indigo!

Sometimes couples elect to have a day with all the bells and whistles and keep the ceremony simple. This was true for D+R and their gorgeous outdoor ceremony under the blessed shade of the blossom tree at Bella Luna Farms.

Not one thing from my proffered compendium of readings and rituals resonated with them yet they definitely leaned into having their love story lyrically crafted and shared.

Given that we were pairing things down to the core ceremony elements and not including their family and friends in anything but the processional and recessional, I wanted to ensure we could still inject humor, lightheartedness and a participatory vibe. This meant giving a personalized shout-out to all the various friend and family groups, some who had traveled from South America to attend their big day. I also made sure to include their key matchmaker friends in a special tribute during their love story.

Both D+R were wary of crafting and sharing their own personalized vows but I gentled nudged them to do so and offered my full consultative and editing expertise in helping them craft vows that read and sounded just right.

Despite their initial anticipatory stage fright, they were both very thankful they did so. The sharing of personalized vows is one of the emotional pinnacles of the ceremony and guests (and one’s beloved other) love to bear witness to this. Immediately following their uttering of heartfelt vows, I engaged the guests in enthusiastically declaring their own communal vow to support and uphold the words of love so eloquently expressed by D+R.

Relentless summer heat aside, it was a beautiful ceremony. The flower girl and ring bearer were two of the cutest kids ever, and what can be said about Dani’s dress except showstopping?

The kudos I received from them warmed my heart. R couldn’t believe I took “nothing” (his responses to my questionnaire) and turned it into “something!” – which in their own words, was amazing, magical, and exactly the vibe they were seeking. They admitted to having several guests come up and inquire if I was a long-time family friend because I came across as having known them for as long as they had known each other. 

And that, my friends, is what I seek with each and every ceremony I craft – that sense of intimacy, connection and curious awe from the guests.

PS – I love my job.

A Wedding Prescriptive.

Little did A+L know, when they approached me about officiating their springtime wedding at Newcastle Golf Club just three weeks prior to the big day, that together we would be able to infuse so much into the space of such little planning time. Not that I advocate for last-minute planning, but in the hands of an artisanal celebrant, creative and personalized touches are possible!

We encountered many barriers in the short span of these 21-days leading up to their wedding. They were living in different cities, working long hours, hosting family and friends from out of town, and opting to make this a full-on DIY wedding, which included hand-making gilded paper flowers for each place setting into the afternoon hours of the day itself. On top of this, they were planning to have two ceremonies in the span of one day – a traditional Vietnamese vow and ring exchange ceremony in the morning, and a highly-personalized, celebrant-style ceremony late afternoon.

From the outset, I task my couples to consider what they envision to be the most important elements of the day. When the Pinterest touches, such as the award-winning worthy cake, table décor, linen, flowers and other details prove to be paramount in their priorities, I advocate for hiring a Day-of Coordinator to see to all the details. For detail-intensive weddings, Wedding Planners and Day-Of Coordinators are worth their weight in gold. We celebrants love working with planners and Day-of Coordinators because it means we know there will be a professional (versus, perhaps, a reluctant family or friend volunteer) to see to all the details of the day, not the least of which is the ceremony space set-up.

Time, distance, and to-do list constraints aside, they pulled off a one-of-kind day.  I incorporated their five-elements color and décor theming into the ceremony itself, and pitched ceremonial touches that would help them tell their day true. These included the lighting of a unity candle, honoring of their parents, their custom love story, readings by family members, a layering ritual of five earthly elements, a violin and vocal tribute, and a uni-Tea for Two ritual.

The most unique ceremony feature, however, was their Time Capsule ritual. When couples share with me their interests and vocations, I invariably scheme ways to custom-craft a ritual to honor those interests. For this pharmacist and software engineer pair, that personalized ritual came to be thanks to my discovery of a high-tech glass candy dish that looks exactly like a prescription capsule. In keeping with their five elements theme, they placed five items within the capsule at the altar in the form of:

Something Silly (miniature toy monkey and tiger ornaments, which were their pet gifts for each other);
Something Sacred (a copy of their vows imprinted on miniature scrolls);
Something Symbolic (their opal and sapphire birthstone gems);
Something Sealed (their love notes to one another to open on their first anniversary);
and Something Surprise (which was the custom prescription label A’s pharmacy co-worker brought up to the altar to help them seal the capsule, and the marriage deal, so to speak).  

All told, it was a superlative ceremony that honored their spiritual beliefs, cultural traditions, love of family, and desire for symbolic meaning and beauty ~ and also served to showcase what’s distinct about hiring us Life-Cycle celebrant types versus a no-frills officiant.

Love in Translation.

Weddings will sometimes offer interesting conundrums. Such was the case for one of my couples, N+M. They wanted to tell their unique story, which included an engagement proposal that was a scene reenactment from their favorite cult-class film, Lost in Translation. And by reenactment, I mean that they were sitting in the same seats as Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson, at the same table and in the same 53rd floor lounge of the Park Hyatt Tokyo. Not surprisingly, Suntory whiskey figured prominently. Their challenge was how to tell their love story fresh to their many friends and family members who had already heard their story many a time. They were adamant that they wanted the wedding to be cute, fun, interactive and unique. They also confessed that they wanted their wedding to “raise the bar” in terms of inimitable elements. So, I proposed that they consider having their actor friend act out their love story as I told it. And so that is what we did. With no less than a couple of dozen props on a draped table and the entire altar space at his disposal, their friend set about miming the more amusing moments from their earlier moments as a couple. Given their mutual adoration of the movie, her work as a Japanese translator, their differing love languages, and the fact that her parents did not speak English, I immediately knew that the ceremony theme needed to be Love in Translation.

With this in mind, I crafted their love story and worked with their theatre friend to build in cues and appropriate props, which included a Boeing model airplane, a suitcase, light-up martini glasses, laundry, Rilakkuma wedding bears, stiletto heels, and her floral bouquet, to name but a few. When it came time in the ceremony to tell the tale of how they met, fell in love and found their way to the altar, everyone was leaning forward in anticipation of their funny friend’s every mime and antic. Suffice to say, hilarity ensued as he enacted my narrated words in a fresh if frantic way, as he attempted to run between the corner prop table and his main spot at the center of the altar, while Nobuko and Michael looked on in amazement and delight. Attendees were able to see N+M’s love story come to life in a silly and superlative way, and N’s parents benefitted from having the story “translated” through the comedic actions of the couple’s friend.

What began as a request for a simple wedding soon led to a ceremony that was chock full of colorful touches including a communal ring warming, a flowering tea ball “uni-tea” ritual, a pinky-swear/red thread of fate handfasting ritual, communal vows, a bilingual wedding blessing reading, and a cherry blossom branch “tunnel of love” recessional.

The moral of the story on how to tell a same old story fresh? If in doubt, act it out! 

Love Entwined.

I love working with couples who get it…and by “it” I mean how and why ceremony matters. One such couple was J+L. They wanted to honor their love of nature, and so hiring a vegan caterer from Portland, including a tree planting unity ritual, and hosting their ceremony at Glen Echo Gardens outside Bellingham were a few of the ways they chose to express this earthly-love. With this in mind, I chose Love Entwined for their ceremony theme and set to work finding and crafting just the right words for their actual tree planting, which they proceeded to do after the guests had departed. Thanks to the fabulous work of their photographer, Becca of B. Jones Photography fame, their wedding was shortlisted and selected for Seattle Bride magazine’s Reader’s Choice Top 10 inspiring Real Weddings of 2015. Kodak moments and Pinterest touches aside though, my favorite elements of the ceremony remain L’s choice to have his grandmother escort him up the aisle and the wedding party’s flawless reading of the poem “Nuptials” by John Agard. One ritual they deferred beyond the big day was their ultimate unity ritual: that of blending their last names into one. Many months and much careful thought later, they have officially chosen and announced their new last name, which is an ideal blend of their two former names.